Hello! It's me, Gertrude McCluck. It was a hot day on the Carland Farm and we chickens were restless. Joe, a hired hand, had forgotten to give us water. I'm a bird that needs lots of water. I'm not sure what breed I am because that's not important.

Have we discussed Little Jon? Maybe not. Well, you know how those little ten-year-olds are...they love to pick us up and throw us around and grab us by our tails. That is how Little Jon is. All Joe does is laugh.

Well, today I was scurrying away from Little Jon's grasp and had ventured into the machine shed when I saw the weirdest things. They were gray ugly metal things that made squeaking sounds when they were opened.

Joe grabbed me and carried me to a place I had never been to. I was put into something wet and bubbly. Wow, was it cold! I decided to give Joe a piece of my mind. Don't bite off more than you can chew, I clucked. I was dunked under the surface. That made me mad. I went into full clucking mode and splashed around. I managed to pull a wing from under his grasp and decided to turn the tables on him and gave him a bath! Boy, was it fun to get revenge. When my other wing got loose, I was in full control of where the water went and most of it went on Joe and Little Jon. You should have seen them. They were wetter than me! Well, to make a long story short, it was a struggle for them to get me washed. This happened to many other chickens and I think that by the end, Joe was ready to go home.

It was two days later as I recall that we were put in the ugly gray things. I think Joe called them cages. We were hauled to a place with all kinds of other birds. Joe gave me food and water. Little Jon came to me and said to look my best. That was an insult because I was always looking my best. I was hauled to a different cage in front of a whole bunch of people. Can't the little runt make up his mind? A strange man took me out again and began feeling my wings and feathers for no reason! I was confused! The man put me back and moved on to the next cage. Then, an amazing thing happened! The man handed Little Jon a little strip of blue material. I was moved again. Then, I saw another group of chickens being brought up to the front. After awhile, the man took me out again to feel my wings and feathers! He asked Little Jon lots of questions about me.

Soon, the man handed Little Jon a piece of wood. Little Jon acted very excited! I have no idea what is so exciting about a piece of wood! But if Little Jon is happy, I'm happy. I caused a big riot! All the people in the crowd clapped and cheered.

A couple days later they took me back to the farm. There's something I'll never understand: Because of that piece of wood, I lived a long happy life at Carland Farm, and never had to worry about being made into some chicken soup!