October 4th 2010:

Dear Diary,

Whew!, today was terrible. Firstly, Gabby accidentally dropped her eggs and made the biggest mess that brought the nosy waterfowl to join the commotion. Next, mean next-door duck Cindy, had to steal our food saying she was starving. But that was not true because she is so big and fat she could live on that! Then, this is the worst part, my owner's daughter, Anna Marie Lenner, just had to bring me to her school. I suspected that the other hens became thoughtful when they saw Mr. Lenner take me out of the coop and told me to shut up since I was "bock-bocking" loudly.

When I was brought in to Anna Marie's classroom, she announced, "This is Gertrude, my pet chicken" and put me down so I could walk around the room. Reading and writing and math were fine but it was recess that killed me. Anna Marie scooped me up into her frail little arms and took me to recess with her. It was ghastly. She and her friends made me do jump rope with them and they pinched my cheek saying," Gertrude is sooo cute!." I had to slide down the slide with them, and squawk down the fire pole with them, and swing with them on the swings with them.

When recess was over I said, "Amen" and blessed the teacher for letting the kids back into school. Anna Marie put me on the windowsill and let me sleep. I laid an egg but the kids threw it out the window saying it smelled bad. I tried to catch it but it was no use. In my anger I swung out my magnifying glass and shattered both the glass and the window. The teacher scolded poor Anna Marie for bringing me, then made her clean up the mess. Anna Marie stole angry looks and grimaces at me.

She brought me home in a big car called a bus. Some people stepped on me without noticing. Then I would start cackling and ruffling my wings, so Anna Marie had an excuse to shove me off the three-seater.

I got home and was fast asleep in the pen before Lola the Ameraucana and Sharon the Barred Rock could ask anything. Then, Mrs. Lenner collected eggs and only had to step on my eggs. I know it was by mistake but I still can't forgive her. Then, (what do you know?) when the others heard what happened Gabby dropped more eggs.

Sincerely, Gertrude McCluck, Great Adventurer